Hi Daddy,
I was just remembering all the Fathers Days I spent dreading the call. I used to time my call so I wouldn't get you at specific times...so you might even be asleep. I was afraid I would get you after too many drinks, that the conversation would be...well difficult. There are even probably some that I missed... when I did not call. Out of anger or fear. Now I can't call, so I am writing. I can think of a lot of things I should have done. That I wish I had done. However, I know you would not want me to dwell on that now. How things ended, how they began and the magic parts along the way, that is what should remain.
Mostly I am left feeling like I learned a difficult lesson that honestly I think we are never done learning. To remember, even and especially when it is most difficult, to give thanks for the life we have been blessed with and those that are intrinsic to it. You were the biggest knot to untie for me...the bumpiest ride...the brightest light...the longest day and the shortest life. I wish it did not take the loss of you for me to understand what we could have shared and that the past and the anger didn't really matter. In the end when it was just you and me, it was like I was little again.We were as we had been and I was grateful for that. I feel so blessed that you let me take care of you in the end. Other than life it was the best gift you could have given me.
I watched my brother with his beautiful daughter this week and it made me think so much of you. He has your sparkle and laugh...your sense of fun and his daughter thinks he is the biggest star in the sky. He too has learned his own lessons from you. So even though sometimes it was hard won... you taught us so much. For everything and the fact of you... for the joy and soul you gave us and for everything in between. I love you with all my heart, I miss you all the time and Happy Fathers Day!
Annie Pie Lamb
Angela, I just got here, today, June 30. And I am so moved by your humility and genuine love for your Dad. He erred greatly in his lifetime by not giving you the same. In the end, you brought such grace to him and he was freed to feel gratitude and love. You are truly a beautiful woman whose pain has been transformed into forgiveness and who transformed your father as he died into the good father you believed he was. I am amazed by you and blown away by this letter. Thank you for sharing it.
ReplyDeleteMom
Mama, I am both honored and embraced by your comment. I know you understand this on a deep and unspoken level, so I will just say in response that I am blessed and grateful and I love you so much. Your words mean so much to me! Thank you for so many things... Thank you for teaching me to communicate, forgive and what real love is.
ReplyDeleteAnnie